Gift wrapping with kitty's help

[Terechu]

Gift Wrapping with Kitty's Help

1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.

2. Go to closet and collect bag in which present is contained, and close
door.

3. Open door and remove cat from closet.

4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.

5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.

6. Go to drawer, and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors,
labels etc.

7. Lay out presents and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping
strategy to be formed.

8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer
since last visit and collect string.

9. Reopen drawer and re-remove cat.

10. Remove present from bag.

11. Remove cat from bag.

12. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.

13. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.

14. Try and smooth out paper, realize cat is underneath and remove cat.

15. Cut the paper to size, keeping the cutting line straight.

16. Throw away first sheet as cat chased the scissors, and tore the paper.

17. Cut second sheet of paper to size - by putting cat in the bag the
present came in.

18. Place present on paper.

19. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present. Wonder why edges don't reach.
Realize cat is between present and paper. Remove cat and retry.

20. Place object on paper, to hold in place, while cutting transparent
sticky tape.

21. Spend 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from
cat with pair of nail scissors.

22. Seal paper with transparent sticky tape, making corners as neat as
possible.

23. Look for roll of ribbon. Chase cat down hall in order to retrieve
ribbon.

24. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.

25. Re-roll ribbon and remove paper, which is now torn due to cat's
enthusiastic ribbon chase.

26. Repeat steps 13-20 until you reach last sheet of paper.

27. Decide to skip steps 13-17, in order to save time and reduce risk of
losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box, that is the right
size for sheet of paper.

28. Put present in box, and tie down with string.

29. Remove string, open box and remove cat.

30. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for lockable
room.

31. Once inside lockable room, lock door and start to re-lay out packing
materials.

32. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close door and
re-lock.

33. Repeat previous step as often as is necessary (until you can hear cries
from cat outside door.)

34. Lay out last sheet of paper. (This will be difficult in the small area
of the toilet, but do your best.)

35. Discover cat has already torn paper. Unlock door go out and hunt
throughvarious cupboards, looking for sheet of last year's paper. Remember
that you haven't got any left because cat helped with wrapping last year.

36. Return to lockable room, lock door, and sit on toilet and try to make
torn sheet of paper look presentable.

37. Seal box, wrap with paper and repair by very carefully sealing tears
with transparent sticky tape. Tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to
hide worst areas.

38. Label. Sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulate yourself on
completing a difficult job.

39. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.

40. Spend 15 minutes looking for cat, before coming to obvious conclusion.

41. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.

42. Retrieve all discarded sheets of wrapping paper. Feed cat. Return to
lockable room for last attempt, making certain you are alone and the door is
locked.

43. Find least torn and wrinkled sheets of paper. Attempt to use sheets of
same pattern.

44. Vainly try and wrap present in patchwork of paper. Tie with now tattered
ribbon and decorate with the now limp bows. Label and put present in bag,
for fear of anyone seeing this disaster.

45. When giving the gift, smile sweetly at receiver's face, as they try and
hide their contempt at being handed such a badly wrapped present.

46. Swear to yourself that next year, you will get the store to wrap the
damn thing for you.

47. Smile smugly, knowing that the recipient could have received a cat!